Hmmmm, this is one area that we humans are so guilty and often find ourselves in after conflicts. We bear grudges for so many reasons; someone may have hurt us intentionally or unintentionally by their words or actions. We even bear grudges because we disagree with someone’s point of view or even in their beliefs. We also bear grudges because of perceived marginalization, injustice, unfairness from an individual or a group. It is known that some people can bear grudges only for a short while and some can carry grudges for as long as we can humanly carry until there is an intervention from God or man!
We often act on these grudges in our individual ways either by withdrawing from the other party emotionally or physically (keeping malice) as we call it in Nigeria). We stop contributing to group discussions or withdraw from any event that involves the person(s) who we believe is the cause and recipient of our grudge. In fact, some of us also co-opt others into joining us to bear the grudges (hahaha!). We may even start spreading around gossips or rumors about the concerned person(s).
I have recently been thinking about what really causes us to bear grudges. I found out that most times it is because our pride and feelings are hurt and until this hurt feeling goes away, we find it difficult to let go.
You can agree with me that bearing of grudges can be tiresome! It removes peace from you. It brings about an uncomfortable situation that denies you peace in an otherwise temporary disagreement. It causes you to bring forth to your memory, negative thoughts and ideas that causes you to start despising the other party thereby making you bitter and putting you in an unpleasant mood.
You can agree with me that bearing of grudges can be tiresome! It removes peace from you. It brings about an uncomfortable situation that denies you peace in an otherwise temporary disagreement. It causes you to bring forth to your memory, negative thoughts and ideas that causes you to start despising the other party thereby making you bitter and putting you in an unpleasant mood.
How do we deal with bearing grudges? I have found out that, time plays a factor when it comes to bearing grudges. Have you discovered that after a while, we get tired and even forget why we bore grudges in the first place. I have also been thinking about this and these are my thoughts.
First, my Bible said that if it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men (Rom 12:18). We should understand that as individuals or groups, it is normal for conflicts to occur, as we are different, have divergent views and express ourselves differently. We should also remind ourselves that when these conflicts happen, we should focus on the issues on hand and not dwell majorly on our hurt feelings. Yes, our feelings can be hurt but we should not allow it to, so much determine our long-term relationship with the other party.
In addition, I believe that it is possible to, proactively detect issues that can bring about conflicts and resolve on how we can address it without causing ourselves to bear grudges. I know we may not know wholly how the other party will react but we can resolve within ourselves that however the outcome, we can overcome the temptation to bear grudges.
I know it may seem impossible, but believe me, when you resolve in your mind to stop dwelling on grudges, your whole being will conspire with you to find a way out for you. Asking God for grace is the first step, and then consciously working your way through every interaction to achieve this will gradually do this for you.
I see you!
